


i’ve been waiting for you

by wyttoleff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Marauders, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Recovery, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyttoleff/pseuds/wyttoleff
Summary: For the last twelve years, Remus has known three things - that was all there was to know about the universe - three facts summarised everything that mattered;1. James and Lily Potter were dead and it was Sirius Black’s fault.2. Peter Pettigrew was dead and it was Sirius Black’s fault.3. If Remus Lupin ever had the misfortune of seeing Sirius Black ever again, he was going to tear him apart.Those facts are wrong.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	i’ve been waiting for you

**Author's Note:**

> title from abba

The lights haven’t been on for three days - longer than that, really, but Remus Lupin was the kind of person who believed his house didn’t exist when he wasn’t in it. 

Three days is how long Remus has been home for: laying in his bed, covers drawn up to his nose, stale tears crusting around his eyes. Complete darkness, complete silence, just processing. He’d not eaten for three days, barely slept, barely even moved. He was mourning.

Truthfully, he knew that returning to Hogwarts was going to be a mistake the moment he accepted Dumbledore’s job offer, but he found that he couldn’t turn it down. Dumbledore had shown up at his house to offer him this job, which was cause for concern in itself. Albus Dumbledore was far too important a man to make insignificant trips like this, which alluded Remus to a potential ulterior motive - one that thankfully didn’t take so long to understand. Try as he had, the last twelve years, to stay out of wizarding affairs and resign himself to (mostly) muggle living, Remus had been unable to avoid this one particular piece of news, that was so important and so dangerous that it had even been broadcasted on muggle news programmes. 

It’s the reason for Dumbledore’s visit, the reason for his job offer, and the reason Remus couldn’t say no.

Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban. 

That’s why Remus had gone back to Hogwarts. He’d wanted to kill Sirius Black.

Of course, that had all gone to pot when he caught young Harry Potter sneaking around the castle with the Marauder’s Map - blimey, Remus didn’t think he’d ever see that scrap of parchment ever again. Not only had that little stunt of Harry’s put Snape onto the smell of mischief, but it had also changed absolutely everything. Everything Remus had known for the past twelve years changed with that darn map.

He has remembered that moment several times since resigning himself to his bed. Harry’s small voice from the other end of his classroom, sounding just like his father when he said, “ _Professor… just so you know, I don’t think that map always works. Earlier on, it showed someone in the castle… someone I know to be dead._ ”

Harry wasn’t to know Remus’s history with the Marauder’s Map. How was he meant to decipher their silly nicknames? Perhaps if he’d have grown up with them, he’d have known already. Perhaps, if he’d have grown up in the life he was supposed to have - with James as a doting father, Lily as a dedicated mother, Sirius his mischievous godfather, Remus his trusty uncle - perhaps if he’d had that, he’d have been calling Remus ‘Uncle Moony’ since he was able to speak. 

Remus managed to fall asleep during the third night, though ‘fall asleep’ is putting it lightly. The man simply passed out from exhaustion. It had, of course, only been three nights since the full moon, after which he usually spent a minimum of twelve hours fast asleep. His body was still aching from the full moon, and his mind was overrun from processing the fact that the last twelve years of his life had been based on one terrible lie. 

He slept through the entire night and most of the day, uninterrupted by nightmares. For the first time in a long time, his sleep was perfectly dreamless, which admittedly was a result of his body simply not having enough energy to conjure up some useless scenario.

When he awoke, he could tell that it was dark out despite the fact that his curtains had remained closed the entire time he’d been home. That confused him. He had no idea how long he slept for. But it wasn’t the only thing that was confusing. The room was warm, so much so that Remus had to throw his covers away from his face, as the heat of it was suffocating. There was a flickering glow of light cast over the room, a dark shadow directly beside his bed, and his nose was assaulted with the distinct, and painfully familiar, smell of dog breath. 

“Sirius,” he tried to say, sitting up, but his sore throat made his voice come out a fragile whisper. His throat felt like he’d swallowed a bucket of gravel. His eyes felt like they’d been duct taped open for a week straight. His stomach felt like a black hole. His bones felt like they’d been sandpapered. His joints felt like they’d been smashed against a brick wall five times in a row. And his chest felt like there was a frog in there, doing its best to break through his rib cage. 

The big black dog morphed into a man. A man that Remus was achingly used to. 

“It’s about time you woke up,” Sirius teased, voice hoarse. 

Remus leapt out of bed, giving himself a headache. “Sirius,” he repeated stupidly. “What are you doing here?” He couldn’t help but latch onto his old friend in a hug. Sirius didn’t look great, and he smelt even worse but… he was here, standing in Remus’s bedroom, and that was enough. 

“You know me, Moony… Could never stay away from you too long.”

That was not the serious answer Remus was hoping for, but there would be time for formalities later. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” He didn’t think twice before taking Sirius’s hand to lead him to the bathroom. 

Sirius was unnaturally quiet as he leaned against the bathroom door, watching as Remus filled the bath. Truthfully, he didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to be. Didn’t know what Remus wanted him to be. 

“Hey… Re, what is that?” he finally spoke, watching curiously as Remus dropped a purple ball into the clear bath water. He moved to stand behind Remus where he was crouching down beside the tub, and Remus turned his head to look at Sirius. 

The ball was fizzing loudly, leaving a purple tint to the water in its wake. “It’s a bath bomb,” Remus explained, standing. “Some muggle invention. The lavender ones help me sleep after a full moon.”

“What, too good for sleeping potions?”

Remus shrugged, “I’ve sort of… been living as a muggle.”

Sirius tore his eyes away from the purple water to look at Remus, disbelief clear on his face. “Sort of?”

“Yeah, well… can’t fully escape magic, can I, with what I am…” he reiterated, beginning to busy himself opening a cupboard of shower products. “Still need some spells, and healing potions of course.”

“Remus,” Sirius interjected, voice taking a solemn tone. “What have you been doing for full moons?”

When he was met with an astounding silence, he repeated his question and Remus turned back around with a bottle of shower gel in his hands. “Dumbledore set me up in this house twelve years ago. Equipped with a very secure basement. Few locking spells, few protection charms and a silencing spell works quite well, actually.”

“Re…” Sirius sighed dejectedly. “You know what, never mind. Like we keep saying, what’s done is done. You’re not locking yourself up from now on, you hear me? I’m here now. And I’ll still be here on the 29th for the full moon.”

“You…” Remus set the shower gel on the edge of the bathtub and switched off the tap. “You memorised the next full moon?”

“Well, I just…” He hadn’t meant to. Sirius had found a tattered newspaper in the park when in Harry’s neighbourhood, and there happened to be a moon phase chart near the end. Sirius didn’t even know muggles charted the moon. “Yeah. I guess. Anyway, that gives us 20… 26 days to find somewhere appropriate.”

“26?” Remus echoed, “That would make today the 3rd of November,” he noted. Sirius’s 34th birthday. Sirius paled, looking back towards the bath with a blank look on his face. “Happy birthday Padfoot,” Remus whispered, putting a hand on Sirius’s shoulder briefly. “Now for the love of god, get in the bath. I’ll go make us something to eat, alright. Take as long as you need.”

Remus stayed downstairs long enough to whip up some toast for himself and a sandwich for Sirius, putting two plates on a tray to take upstairs. Remus stayed downstairs long enough to whip up some toast for himself and Sirius, groceries courtesy of a Hogwarts house elf. There was bread and jam, and Remus owned a toaster, so it seemed like the best course of action. He put the toast on two plates, popped them both on a tray and made his way back upstairs. The toast will have gone cold by the time Sirius is finished, he’s sure, but a simple warming spell should fix that. 

He left the tray on his bed before returning to the bathroom, knocking lightly on the door so as not to startle Sirius. “I’ve made toast whenever you’re ready,” he informed his old friend, leaning his forehead against the bathroom door.

With a croaky voice, Sirius replied, “Come in.”

Remus hesitated. Sirius was bathing, after all, and he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. He opened the door slowly - Sirius had invited him in. “Everything alright?” he checked, keeping his eyes down as he entered the bathroom. 

“‘Course,” Sirius answered gruffly, “just don’t like to be alone anymore. You can come in properly, Re. And close the door, you’re letting all the heat escape.”

Shutting the door, Remus looked over at Sirius as he sat in the bathtub, knees up to his chest, arms crossed over his knees, chin resting on his arm. “Thought you’re meant to be having a bath,” Remus pointed out, gesturing to Sirius’s dry face and hair. Sirius shrugged. “C’mon, wash properly and I’ll find us something for dessert.”

“Bribery, Remus? My, my, you have changed.”

“I’ll lend you some of my clothes as well, but they’re not going to fit you, shortarse,” Remus said, ignoring Sirius’s tease. “Better than stripes though, at least,” he added, bending down to pick Sirius’s Azkaban attire off the floor and chucking it unceremoniously in the bin.

Sirius moved only to reach for Remus’s wand, and set the bin alight with a quick “Incendio.”

“Thanks for that,” Remus winced. “Not like I needed a bin, I mean what kind of wally has a bin in their bathroom anyway?”

“I can’t stand the sight of those clothes. Can’t stand the sight of myself,” Sirius admitted, not apologising for the bin. “I was hoping you might cut my hair?”

Quite frankly, Remus was startled by his request. Sirius had had long hair for as long as he’d known him, not counting the first term of third year, right after Walburga Black had shaved his long locks off out of spite. Grew back quick enough with the help of James’s dad though. “If that’s what you want,” Remus agreed, unable to refuse. “Might wanna wash it first though. C’mon, we aren’t twelve anymore, Pads, I shouldn’t be persuading you to wash.”

“No,” said Sirius quietly in agreement. “Sorry, I just wanted some company.” He stretched his legs out as far as he could in the small bath, still bent at the knees, and leaned forward, bringing water to his face in his hands.

Remus took pity on him, knelt beside the bathtub and grabbed his wand from the floor where Sirius had dropped it after lighting his bin on fire. Sirius’s hair took a few detangling charms for Remus to get his fingers through it without it resisting, and he was endlessly grateful for the witches who had dedicated their life and magic to cosmetics. Minutes later, Remus dropped his wand again and reached to grab the showerhead off the wall. “Lean back then, you great dog.”

It’s funny how quickly Remus took to normal magic again after so long of doing his best to give it up. He could never have been completely unreliant on magic, not with his condition, but he tried to do everything else as a muggle would. It was too difficult, after James had passed, to go about pretending to be a wizard. He always felt like he was cheating, even as a kid. He’d never felt like a wizard because he saw himself a monster, and it was James and Sirius and Lily who helped him overcome that perspective. When James and Lily died, and Sirius went to Azkaban, they each took a piece of Remus with them until he felt like a kid again. Alone in the world, except for the monster within. 

Remus took care of Sirius’s hair as he washed his body, and they made a pretty good team. Sirius was good as new in no time, and Remus left him to drain the bath while he retrieved some clothes. 

Sirius looked in the mirror after it all. Remus stayed silent to respect Sirius’s space, because it’s been twelve years since he’s looked at himself and recognised his own reflection. “34,” Sirius whispered at his reflection, bringing a hand up to touch his face. “I’m getting old.”

Quietly, Remus took a step to stand beside Sirius, nudging him gently with his hip as he looked at Sirius’s reflection and said, “We’re getting old. Still want that haircut?” Sirius moved his hand from his face to his hair, soft and clean. “Didn’t think so,” Remus acknowledged with a gentle smile. “C’mon. Toast.”

The toast was cold as expected and Remus heated it up with a quick warming charm. He was absolutely ravenous, having not eaten for days. His stomach growled when he finished his second piece, causing Sirius to offer a slice of his own. “I can just go and make more,” Remus declined, but Sirius shoved the toast in his mouth before he could close it. 

“Hurry up, would you, I want to get in bed.”

Remus gestured to the bed from where they were perched at the end, but Sirius didn’t move. He was waiting for Remus, who quickly shoved the tray on the floor and crawled across the bed to get under the covers. Sirius then followed suit. 

“Thanks for taking care of me,” whispered Sirius as he pulled the covers up to his neck. “You always did.”

“I always did,” Remus seconded, heart fluttering in his chest. “Sirius…”

“It’s okay, Moony. Don’t say it, there’s no need. You suspected me, I suspected you, we could go round and round apologising but there’s just no need, alright. I don’t blame you. Peter framed me good. All that matters to me is that you and Harry know the truth.”

“Still, I-“

“Me too. I wish more than anything that things could’ve been different, but wishing never gets anyone very far, does it? What happened happened and there’s no changing that.”

Remus sighed, scooted over to be closer to Sirius. “I miss them.”

Sirius took a hold of Remus’s hand under the cover, grasping it tightly. “No need,” he claimed, eyes glistening with pools of tears. “They’re wherever Harry is.”

It was comforting to believe that. Remus took a shaky breath and squeezed Sirius’s hand. “That’s where we should be. It’s what they’d want… Us to be with Harry. Harry to be with us.”

“He will be with us. We’ll make it happen - do whatever we need to do.”

  
  



End file.
